Why would a son grow up to become mean to his mother?
That is weird!
Naturally, the bond between sons and their mothers is usually strong.
He always wants to spend time together with his mom.
It doesn’t stop even till they’re grown.
However, it calls for concern when a once-loving son starts acting mean toward his mum.
“What happened? Where did I go wrong? How did we grow apart?”
These are some of the questions that will fill the heart of such a mother.
Some reasons that could make a grown-up son mean to his mom include;
Why is My Grown Son so Mean to Me?
1. Maternal favouritism.
This is one of the leading causes of strained relationships between mothers and children.
Children are compassionate beings.
They know when you show them love.
They also know when you tend to favor their siblings over them.
Some mothers don’t know how to love their children equally.
They make it evident that they love one child over the other.
Circumstances surrounding a child’s birth could be why some mothers do this.
Children who are victims of maternal favoritism sometimes become depressed and sad.
Hence, sometimes they grow up with so much hatred towards their mothers.
If you are also caught in the web of maternal favoritism,
And your son grew up watching you show love and affection to his siblings than you did to him,
This is probably why your son is acting mean towards you.
2. Lack of communication skills
Poor communication skills are one of the reasons why some sons become mean to their mums.
Some mothers always want to treat their grown sons like a baby they birthed yesterday.
They don’t listen to the opinions of their children.
Once the sons raise an opinion that contradicts theirs, they feel threatened.
And they start playing the “I’m your mother’s card”.
The sons, in turn, start acting untowardly towards their mothers.
If the issue with your son is due to your communication skills, you may need to make the necessary adjustments.
Your son doesn’t hate you.
He wants his voice to be heard.
He feels he also has an opinion, and you shouldn’t shut him down.
It is crucial to learn the art of relating with your son.
This will help to foster a great relationship between you.
3. Emotional incest
In this situation, a mother gets overly attached to her son for emotional support.
This happens most times to single mothers who are either widowed or unmarried.
Their sons become their “world.”
When a mother is overly attached to her son, her whole life revolves around her son.
It is usually difficult for her to detach.
This attachment could continue till the son gets married.
And she could start making life unbearable for the wife because she sees her as a rival.
When it becomes unbearable for the son, he could start acting mean to his mum.
4. Emotional and psychological issues
Emotional and psychological issues like depression and anxiety could negatively impact the relationship between a son and his mother.
If your son is acting disrespectfully or rudely towards you,
he could be going through psychological problems.
Your son sure needs help.
Proper diagnosis and evaluation by a therapist will be of help.
5. Being overbearing
Overbearing mothers always want to control the affairs of their children.
They always know what’s best for their children.
They want to make decisions for you.
They want to know what’s going on with you at the time.
Every step you take and every decision you make has to be done with them calling the shot.
When a son sees that his mother is overbearing,
And it seems to be more than he can take; he could start acting mean towards her.
Mothers should note that as their sons grow, their influence over their decision reduces.
When a child is young, you can make decisions for them because they’re still young.
But as they age, you can’t exert the same force and authority as when they were young.
They will naturally revolt by acting mean towards you.
This is their way of saying, “No, Mum, I’m an adult now”.
6. Past trauma/ abuse
Terrible experiences from the past or childhood trauma could be why your son is acting mean toward you.
If your son was sexually abused, he could be angry with you for not being there to protect him.
He believes he was helpless and only you could have fought for him, yet you were not there to rescue him.
Also, if you emotionally abused your son, he could grow up to become coldhearted towards you.
7. Parenting style
The parenting style adopted by some mothers is why their children act mean to them.
Authoritative, authoritarian, uninvolved and permissive styles are the different parenting styles.
How children are raised directly affects how they turn out in life.
For example, if you adopted an authoritarian style in raising your son when he was young.
You were strict, and he became a people pleaser.
He did everything you wanted so he could be in your good book.
When he grows, he might detest everything that happened during his childhood.
He may feel you choked him with your parenting style.
He may believe you never allowed him to enjoy his formative years.
These thoughts could make him start acting mean towards you.
8. Personal Issues
Different stages of life come with their attendant challenges.
Work stress, financial difficulties, and sicknesses are some issues young people experience.
When people go through tough times, they most likely vent their frustrations on people close to them.
If your son is acting mean towards you, he might be facing challenges with work, finance or health.
You may need to pay close attention to him and show him love.
9. Lack of respect for choices
Adult sons believe that they are old enough to make decisions.
They want to make decisions independently.
He believes he has been trained to make wise choices.
He wants to choose his job and marry his partner.
He will withdraw from you if he sees that you’re constantly criticizing his choices.
This is because he might feel you’re seeing and treating him like a baby who still needs to be groomed.
If you observe that your son, who used to be free to share his plans with you, has started acting mean to you,
You may have pushed him into this.
If you want to see changes, you may need to embrace the reality staring into your face.
It would help if you learned to respect his choice.
It might not be an easy thing to do, but it’s possible.
He’s not a baby of those years. He’s a grown man now.
Final Words
When your grown son starts to act mean, you need wisdom and patience to handle the situation.
You may need to have a heart-to-heart with your son to ascertain what’s happening with him.
If it’s what you can’t handle, you both can speak with a professional who can help him.