I get it.
Marriage isn’t always sunshine and rainbows; sometimes, it’s more like a never-ending Netflix binge – without the chill.
And that’s not always a bad thing.
After all, a little predictability can be comforting.
But, my dear, there’s a thin line between comfort and monotony.
If you’re stuck in a rut that’s as deep as a canyon, then it’s high time to shake things up a bit.
Wanna see if your marriage has become a bit of a yawn fest?
Read these signs that your marriage might be painfully boring:
9 Signs Your Marriage Is Painfully Boring
1. You can’t remember the last time you tried something new together.
One of the things that keep the spark alive in a marriage is trying new things to acquire new experiences together.
But if you’ve been stuck in the same routine for years, doing the same activities over and over again, your marriage might be boring.
You’re always going to the same restaurant for dinner, watching the same TV shows, or visiting the same places over the weekend.
You can’t recall the last time you both tried a new hobby, visited a new place, or even tried a new type of cuisine together.
There’s a lack of novelty and adventure in your experiences, and this has made your marriage feel dull or boring.
What do you expect?
A lack of newness is bound to yield boredom.
2. Your conversations are mostly about chores.
No doubt, married life is full of chores and responsibilities; managing finances, cleaning the house, taking care of the kids, and running errands.
So, it’s great, in fact, important, to talk about such day-to-day tasks, but if your conversations are mostly limited to discussing chores, it’s a sign that your marriage is not very exciting.
It means that the majority of your discussions with your spouse revolve around mundane, everyday tasks like who’s going to pick up the kids from school, what groceries need to be bought, or when the laundry needs to be done.
You no longer have stimulating conversations about your dreams, thoughts, feelings, interests, and aspirations or even reminisce about funny experiences from days gone by.
It’s now just, “Did you remember to pay the electricity bill?” or “We’re out of milk; can you pick some up on your way home?”
We married folks can do better.
3. You’re living parallel lives.
You know how when we were in school, and we used to have those classmates who were always around, but we never really interacted with them?
They were living their lives, we were living ours, and although we were in the same place, our paths never crossed.
That’s what living parallel lives in a marriage feels like.
You wake up, get ready for work, and maybe exchange a quick ‘good morning’ or ‘don’t forget your lunch.’
Then, you’re off to work, and they’re off to their job.
You come back home and perhaps share a meal, but everyone’s busy with their own stuff – checking emails, watching their favorite show, or scrolling through social media.
It’s like you’re two ships sailing side by side.
You’re both moving forward, but you’re not really interacting.
You’re not sharing experiences or making memories together, even though you’re in the same space.
You are not even telling each other about your day.
That’s a boring marriage right there!
4. Your bedroom feels more like a boardroom.
You know what a boardroom looks like?
Everything is scheduled, organized, and follows a set agenda.
This makes sense for a business meeting, but it’s definitely not what you want your bedroom activities with your spouse to be like.
When I say “your bedroom feels more like a boardroom,” I mean that your intimate life has become overly planned and lacks spontaneity.
While I encourage couples to set aside time for intimacy, it’s important to leave room for flexibility, surprise, spontaneity, and exploration.
It’s ok to throw out the deadlines every once in a while and go with the flow.
5. You’re more excited about your next work project than your next date.
Your marriage might be boring if your professional life is providing more anticipation and excitement than your personal life with your spouse.
I’m not saying you can’t love your job so much that it sometimes feels more exciting than going out with your partner, but if this is the new norm, then something is wrong somewhere.
6. The silence isn’t golden anymore.
Silence can have different meanings.
Sometimes, silence can be comforting – it’s a sign of understanding and comfort between two people who don’t need to fill every moment with chatter.
This is often referred to as a ‘golden’ silence.
But the silence in a boring marriage is a different kind of silence.
This is the silence that comes when you feel like you’ve run out of things to say to each other.
It’s not a comfortable silence born out of mutual understanding, but rather, it’s a silence that feels awkward, uncomfortable, and full of unspoken words and feelings.
7. You look forward to alone time a bit too much.
It’s natural and healthy to enjoy some alone time, whether you’re catching up on your favorite show, reading a good book, or simply having a moment to relax.
This ‘me time’ can help you recharge, reflect, and maintain your individuality, even in a marriage.
I don’t joke with my ‘me time.’
I usually stay up late and wake up early to make sure I get my alone time.
But if you constantly look forward to being alone and even dread spending time with your spouse, it’s a sign that something is off in your marriage.
Why should you feel more at ease, relaxed, or even happier when you’re alone compared to when you’re with your spouse?
Your partner’s company should bring you joy and comfort, so if it has started to feel more like a burden than a blessing, there’s fire on the mountain!
8. You’re envious of other couples.
You know when you’re scrolling through your social media feed, and you come across a post from a friend who’s just had an amazing date night with their partner?
Maybe not even a friend, but just a random couple.
And instead of just feeling happy for them, you feel a pang of envy.
You start to wish your marriage had that kind of fun, that kind of spontaneity.
You miss the thrill of doing something new and exciting with your partner.
It’s a sign that something is missing in your marriage.
9. You’ve stopped fighting.
You might be thinking, “Isn’t it a good thing to not fight?”
Well, yes and no.
Arguing all the time isn’t healthy; it’s toxic, in fact.
But having disagreements now and then can actually be beneficial for a marriage.
It shows that you both feel comfortable expressing your opinions and care enough about the relationship to work through conflicts.
So disagreements are an opportunity to work together to come up with solutions to your problems and strengthen your relationship.
When you stop fighting altogether, it means that you’re not communicating enough.
Maybe because it feels like too much effort, or you think it won’t make a difference, or you can’t muster the energy to care.
Thus, your marriage lacks engagement.
If you can relate to these signs, it doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner, but it could mean that there’s a lack of excitement, fun, or enjoyment in your marriage right now, and it’s time to start making an effort.
Be intentional in engaging with your partner and finding ways to spice up your marriage and bring fun back.
Even small changes can make a big difference.
You may think boredom is no big deal, but it can lead to other complications like cheating (emotional or physical) and overall unhappiness.
So, take action now to bring back the smiles, laughter, and closeness you once shared.
Whether it’s date night, walking together, or any other form of quality time, make sure that you keep your marriage alive by engaging with each other in meaningful ways.