Why do guys avoid serious conversations?
In relationships, there are times when we need to have serious conversations.
Examples of serious conversations revolve around finance, sex, health, life goals, previous experiences in relationships etc.
These conversations help to know where the partners are headed.
They help us to know what the future looks like.
They also help communicate expectations from each other.
It is not news that some guys avoid having serious conversations.
It is also important to note that not all guys avoid having serious conversations.
However, guys who avoid serious conversations may do that for various reasons, which may include;
1) Fear of vulnerability
Some attributes you notice in a man started from their childhood.
Typically, a boy child is raised to be “strong”.
He is to bottle up emotions of grief, pain, and loneliness.
If he dares to express his feelings, he is termed a weakling.
When he is happy, he is expected not to be overly excited. He must be moderate about it.
He’s expected to “man up” at all times.
For him, being vulnerable connotes weakness.
This is how some men were raised.
They are afraid of exposing their feelings in situations.
It makes them feel like weaklings.
That’s why some of them would rather not have serious conversations.
They don’t want to feel exposed.
They want to be able to maintain their manliness.
So when you see a guy not interested in having a serious conversation, it could be that he’s afraid of being vulnerable with you.
2) Cultural background
The way some men are raised has contributed to them avoiding tough conversations.
In some cultures, men are raised to be “secretive”.
They raise them with the mindset that “it’s not everything a woman should know”.
Some believe a woman has no business knowing how much her boyfriend earns.
And it’s not even in her place to ask.
And so, some of them might not want to have conversations that contradict how they’ve been raised.
3) Avoidance of conflict
Some conversations may bring about conflict between partners.
And this is because the two people may see things from different angles.
However, with patience, love and understanding, both parties can agree.
Some guys may avoid having tough conversations because they know it could lead to conflicts.
And they are trying as much as possible to avoid the conflict that may ensue.
They believe they will know what to do when the situation presents itself.
Some of the conversations that could cause conflict are; finance, child raising, house chores, etc.
4) Lack of emotional awareness
Emotional awareness is the ability to understand and communicate one’s emotions effectively.
It also helps to understand how others feel and empathize with them.
Some guys avoid serious conversations because they find putting their thoughts into words difficult.
Generally, guys are not very big on emotional intelligence, unlike their feminine counterparts.
5) They have trust issues.
Trust is an essential factor in letting out details about us.
Trust is required to discuss details about our lives and plans.
When a man lacks trust in the one he’s dealing with, it will be difficult to have serious conversations with her.
Deep talks require that we share details about certain aspects of our lives with the other person.
One who wants to do this wants to ensure he is safe and his secret is safe.
He wants to be sure that this person won’t turn against him tomorrow to use these details against them.
This is why some men may stall in having deep conversations.
They want to give enough time to build trust.
They want to ensure the person is worth it.
6) Past negative experiences.
Past experiences sometimes play out in future occurrences.
Peradventure in the past, an attempt was made to have a conversation about a subject matter with someone, and it didn’t go well.
A guy might avoid having such conversations again.
This is because he wouldn’t want a repeat of what happened in the past
While to you, he is avoiding having severe conversations,
To him, he’s only trying to avoid conflict.
7) Lack of communication skills
Our communication skills go a long way to determining how fruitful our conversations with people will be.
When we communicate our opinions poorly, it could affect our relationships.
A lack of practical communication skills could be why some men avoid having tough conversations.
They might find it difficult to express themselves, making them apprehensive about engaging in serious conversations.
In addition, some men may not be confident enough to effectively communicate their thoughts in a conversation.
You find that some of such men are great listeners.
They will rather listen than speak.
Unfortunately, effective communication has to be two-way and engaging.
8) Fear of being misunderstood
The fear of being misunderstood can be one of the reasons why some guys avoid conversations.
They may feel people will misperceive their stances.
They may also be afraid that this could lead to losing meaningful relationships.
Hence, they’d rather not have such talks.
It is not uncommon to be misunderstood sometimes.
However, it is essential to make our points as straightforward as possible.
And at the same time, consider the parties involved.
9) They don’t see a future with you
There’s a saying that men know what they want and who they want.
If a man sees a future with a woman, he will do everything to keep her.
He will leave no stone unturned.
He knows this is the woman who’s worth his time and effort.
Hence, he might not shy away from having deep and honest conversations with her.
Sometimes, when you observe that guys tend to evade some conversations,
It could be because they don’t see a future with the women.
They see no reason engaging on a deeper level.
That’s why a man you called “secretive” might have someone who knows “everything” about him.
10) Fear of being judged
Some guys bottle up their thoughts because of the fear of being judged.
They believe they can’t be judged by what they haven’t said.
For example, if a man believes that premarital sex is wrong,
And he finds himself amongst people who believe otherwise,
Because he is well aware that his opinion might not garner much support, he might keep his opinion to himself.
Avoiding conversations isn’t a gender thing per se. Both men and women could avoid having serious conversations sometimes.
Honest and open discussions are critical and needed to build healthy relationships.
Doing this will help you understand each other better and strengthen what you share.
That said, depending on the person, their culture and circumstances, a guy might seem secretive or not open to having conversations.
It’s important to find out why.
We should also give men the support, the avenue and, more importantly, the safe space to be more open about their feelings.