“What Do I do if my husband finds fault with everything I do!?”
It can be a difficult situation if your husband is always faulting your actions.
Although it can be tempting to snap and yell at him for being inconsiderate, insensitive and unfair to you, I don’t think that will be the right approach.
Matters can escalate and get worse from there.
Not to worry, though.
We’ll be looking at tips to handle criticism from your husband without getting defensive or losing your cool.
“My Husband Finds Fault With Everything I Do!”
- Differentiate And Set Boundaries Between Criticism And Disagreement
The first way to handle criticism is to establish and understand that disagreement and criticism are two different terms and mean different things.
If your husband is criticising you constantly when you’re wrong, he may be offering you constructive criticism.
However, if you are too sensitive, it may come off as an insult to you.
Of course, this won’t go well with you and will lead to an argument and subsequent disagreement.
But once you set boundaries between insults and constructive criticisms, you can have meaningful conversations without getting angry or fighting.
- Express Your Thoughts And Feelings Constructively
Indeed, you cannot control your husband’s behaviour, but you can control your response to him.
You can choose to respond constructively by conveying your feelings and thoughts in a manner that gives no room for arguments.
Passing your message across constructively means that although you understand his point of view, you don’t agree with it.
For instance, instead of saying, “You nag always”, try saying, “It feels like you’re nagging whenever you point out my mistakes. I feel criticised all the time.”
Notice the difference between both statements and see which will trigger an argument when said.
Learn to express your displeasure with the way he acts in ways that will help him learn to become better and grow.
That way, it’s a win-win for both of you.
- Never Apologise For Something You’re Innocent About
It can be very frustrating to put up with a husband who sees fault in everything you do.
Sometimes this will make him fault you for things you have no control over, and you might feel the need to apologise for peace to reign.
If you want peace to reign in your home, do not apologise for the things that are not your fault.
Your husband’s constant criticism is enough burden on you already.
Add that to the fact that since he is used to criticising you, his mind is already programmed to see you as at fault whenever things go wrong.
So you see why you should nip that in the bud?
If you keep apologising for what you did and didn’t do, he’ll keep seeing that you’re always at fault and will not give you credit whenever you get something right.
This will further fuel his behaviour towards you and his belief that you’re always at fault.
So put him in check by sticking to your guns and not apologising whenever things go wrong, and it’s no fault of yours.
Make him see that he’s no saint too.
Gradually he’ll begin to accept responsibility for some wrongs and stop blaming you all the time.
- Do Not Condone Manipulation
Someone who criticises you constantly will gradually begin to manipulate you.
Manipulating you means getting you to do things you never intended to do.
Manipulative people make their partners do their biddings through two means.
The first is the use of emotions.
For instance, they’ll use the “If you love me, then you should do … for me” line.
The second way is expressing disappointment in you and always guilt-tripping you.
You’ll hear them say, “ Don’t you think I deserve….”
If you’re ready to learn how to say “no” and stand by it, you must learn how to reject manipulation.
Reject every form of manipulation from everyone, and your husband will not be able to manipulate you.
- Learn How To Say No
You need to learn that there’s power in saying no.
Learn how to say no.
I mentioned earlier that your husband’s constant criticism might push you to apologise for even things that are not your fault.
When this happens, your mind is conditioned that you’re always the one at fault while he sees himself as impeccable.
Learn how to say no and refuse to be pushed into apologising for something that’s not your fault.
That way, you avoid arguments and retain the peace in your home.
- Conquer Your Fear Of Confrontation
Confrontation does not always make a situation get worse, but you might not know it if you’re afraid of confrontation.
If you hold on to this fear and do not confront your husband when he’s wrong, your frustration and anger will pile up inside you.
And all of them will be directed at him.
You’ll also become passive in your marriage, taking whatever is thrown at you without complaint.
You’ll find that your relationship will remain stagnant because there’s no active contribution from one party, which is yourself.
One thing about men is that when you let them have their way all the time, especially in pointing out that you’re wrong, it’ll make them want to dominate you all the time.
As time passes, he’ll see you as undeserving of his respect and stop respecting you.
Confrontation is not easy, but do it when necessary to have a flourishing relationship.
Your respect is intact for you too.
- Build Your Self-esteem
Not only is having low self-esteem bad for your relationship with your husband, but it is also very bad for you.
Combine low self-esteem with having a husband who criticises you constantly – a killer combination.
You’ll swallow all the criticism hook, line and sinker and begin to believe that you’ll never amount to any good.
You’ll seek ways to please him by doing all his biddings to avoid being in his bad books.
That is to say; you’re completely dependent on your husband’s approval to live your life.
You can’t even say no and can be manipulated easily in this state.
You’ll find yourself trapped in a cycle of negativity with no way to improve your relationship with your husband.
But you can salvage the situation and boost your confidence by learning to stand up for yourself without feeling guilty.
Say no to his criticisms.
Take out time to do the things you enjoy – read books, spend time with your friends, watch movies, and have fun generally.
Building your self-esteem begins with treating yourself right, just the way you want others to treat you.
That way, you’ll learn what to expect from others.
You’ll stop seeing yourself as a victim but as a woman who deserves the best treatment in the world.
- Realize That Your Needs Are As Valid As His
You need to understand that your needs are just as important as his.
You’ll find yourself doing everything to please your husband to the detriment of your needs.
Maybe you put your career on hold for so many years and took up the role of a housewife.
It can also be that you take care of the children and home single-handedly while he just faces his career.
It’s self-sacrifices like this that’ll make your husband think that he owns you.
Add his constant criticism of everything you do to the mix and watch yourself go crazy.
He might think you have no voice in the relationship and can treat you anyhow.
Everyone needs affection, love and attention from their partner.
Remember that if you choose to tow the selfless path, your husband might take advantage of it and not even offer you anything in return.
So, rather than sacrifice yourself all the time, learn how to set boundaries and spend time alone fulfilling your needs.
Always know that your needs are important, too, and you deserve all the happiness in the world.
- Let The Focus Of Your Life Be On You
If your husband takes everything as criticism, one thing you should do is move your life’s focus from him to yourself.
Focusing on him rather than yourself will turn you into a victim.
You’ll feel your husband is controlling your life; you have no control over your life.
With you feeling powerless, it’ll be more difficult for you to say “no” to his manipulative tendencies.
When you focus on yourself, you’ll have more control in your relationship.
Enjoy focusing on yourself and doing the things that make you happy.
- Focus On The Positive Side Of Your Marriage
Generally, it is easier to focus on the negative side of things rather than look at the positive side.
Although your husband might criticise you constantly, it doesn’t mean that there’s nothing good going on for your marriage.
Focus on those bright and sunny days.
There are most likely times he must have made you feel special.
For instance, making you laugh on very stressful days, doing random things to make you happy, or even letting you know that his criticisms are not meant to make you feel less of yourself.
If the good days in your marriage are more than the bad days, I think you should focus on the good times, be happy and love your husband.
Rather than focus on what he’s not doing right, focus on what he’s doing right and work on being happy with the good things in your marriage.