You have been dating your boyfriend for a while now, and he seems nice.
You have slowly been allowing him to move his things into your apartment.
He has been telling you that he is going through a rough patch and needs somewhere to stay until he can get back on his feet.
You are starting to wonder if he is using you for a place to live or if he does care about you.
If you are wondering if your boyfriend is using you for a place to live, here are some signs that might help you determine whether or not your man is sincere about being with you or if he wants a place to live:
9 Signs He is Using You For a Place To Live
- He doesn’t contribute financially
If he’s not contributing financially toward the rent or bills, it’s one of the sgns he is using you for a place to live.
It’s only fair that people who live together contribute equally towards the bills.
So if he refuses to pay his share of the rent or bills but pays you compliments, it’s clear he’s using you for free accommodations.
Even if it’s just one time and he promises not to do it again, that doesn’t mean he won’t do it again in the future.
2. He never helps around the house
If your boyfriend doesn’t help out around the house, he might be staying with you for free housing.
If he doesn’t help around the house and treats your home like a hotel, he isn’t living with you; he’s just freeloading off of you.
He expects you to handle all the household chores, freeing him to do whatever he wants.
If, despite your repeated requests, he doesn’t help with household chores, you can be sure he is taking advantage of your hospitality.
3. He doesn’t make any effort to move out on his own
If your boyfriend has been living with you for several months or even years without ever attempting to get his place, he might be using you for a place to live.
You might have accommodated him temporarily—maybe because he had accommodation issues.
But now, he’s not making any effort to get his place so he can pay rent.
The dude has gotten comfortable.
He probably never planned to move out, so for him, he’s gotten a permanent place of residence.
4. He treats your home like it’s his own
If your boyfriend is using you for a place to live, he’ll treat your home like it’s his own.
That means he’ll take over the kitchen, sleep on your couch, hang out with friends in your living room, and use your things without first asking.
You should feel comfortable in your home without feeling like your privacy is being invaded.
If he doesn’t respect your boundaries in your home, he’s definitely using you for a place to live.
Just because he’s your boyfriend doesn’t mean he shouldn’t respect your boundaries.
5. Everyone you know thinks he’s scamming you for a place to stay
Everyone you know thinks he’s scamming you for a place to stay, and they’re happy to tell you about it.
They might say things like:
“He’s just using you for a place to stay.”
“You’re so sweet and innocent, but he is using you.”
“I think he’s trying to get on your good side so he can live in your house.”
If all of the people in your life know him and think he’s a scammer, then maybe they’re right.
You should listen to their advice.
They’re not in love, so they’re not blinded by love and are more likely to be more objective than you.
6. He doesn’t communicate about the future of your relationship
When you’re in a relationship, talking about the future is normal.
You may be considering buying a house together or talking about marriage or kids.
But if your bf keeps any of those big conversations from happening, that’s a red flag.
It’s one thing for him to want to keep details about his career plans private until he gets closer to making them official—but if he never wants to talk about where you two are headed as a couple, it’s time to start asking questions.
Because it seems like he’s just comfortable living in your house and not making any plans toward making things official.
7. All his things are at your place
If you notice that his things are at your place, it could be a sign that he’s using you for a place to live.
He may not intend to move out on his own or get married anytime soon.
Even if he’s been staying with you for a while, it’s not normal for someone to get by without having their own space.
8. He has no job
If your boyfriend is using you for a place to live, he will probably be unemployed.
If he doesn’t have a job, then he has no income and no way to provide for himself.
Even when he does work, it’s part-time or temporary.
So he may have decided that it’s easier to move in with his girlfriend than it is to get his own place.
9. He is a little aloof, but he can be affectionate when he wants
If your boyfriend is distant and sweet only when he needs something from you—for example, if he’s sleeping on the couch but suddenly wants to come into bed with you at night or borrows money for things like groceries before making plans together—he may be using you for a place to live.
If he is unavailable when you need him or makes himself scarce until there’s something in it for him, that means he only wants to spend time with you when it’s convenient for him.
He might pretend to be interested in your problems so that you will do something that benefits him.
He is a user, not a boyfriend!
What To Do If He’s Using You For a Place To Live
1. Talk to your boyfriend
Have an honest and open conversation with your boyfriend about how you feel.
Express your concerns and ask him if he is only with you for a place to live.
Of course, you don’t expect him to tell you he’s using you for a place to live.
You are just trying to communicate maturely with him and let him know you are not oblivious to his intentions.
2. Consider your own feelings
Think about how you feel in the relationship.
Do you feel happy, valued, and loved?
Or do you feel used and unappreciated?
If your boyfriend is only using you as a place to live, you will likely feel used and taken for granted.
But if he’s a good boyfriend, even though he’s living in your house, maybe you can compromise on some things, so you can continue your relationship with him while he stops being a parasite to you in your apartment.
3. Set boundaries
If you decide to continue the relationship, I suggest you set clear boundaries.
Let him understand what you expect from him.
he can’t bring in guests without your consent
he should get a job and contribute to paying the bills
he must be involved in doing household chores etc.
4. Seek support
Talk to someone you trust, like a friend or family member, about your situation.
They can give you strategies on how to deal with him.
They may have been in the same situation before and can offer tips on getting out of it.
5. Consider your options
If nothing works and you are tired of housing him, consider sending him out of your house or ending the relationship.
Nothing good can come out of a relationship where one feels used.