Why Is My Grown Daughter So Mean To Me? 6 Reasons She Treats You Like An Enemy

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“Why is my grown daughter so mean to me?” — that’s the latest question on your mind now.

Before now, you were much closer to your daughter, but whenever you attempt to talk to her presently, she sounds closed off and replies to you in a resentful and hostile manner.

It appears she’s bearing a grudge against you, but you’re unsure.

There are some reasons behind her actions.

You may be right or wrong in whatever you think are the reasons.

But before you conclude, you need to consider the most likely reasons behind her actions.

It’s not enough to assume and run along with the narrative when it’s not confirmed yet.

Let’s look at some of the most likely reasons why your grown daughter is so mean to you.

Why Is My Grown Daughter So Mean To Me?: 6 Most Likely Reasons

What could be the reason behind your grown daughter treating you so badly?

We can all agree that the disrespect, anger, and negative energy didn’t just spring up from nowhere.

There are many reasons why your daughter is acting mean towards you.

It may be about her life, or it can be about your attitude.

Outlined below is a list of some of the possible reasons why your grown daughter is so mean to you:

1. You mounted a lot of pressure on her when she was younger

Why Is My Grown Daughter So Mean To Me?

Was your daughter the perfect picture of the good kid when she was younger?

Let me break it down for you — she never requested anything, was always obedient to her teacher, and was a straight-A student.

In addition, she took care of more house chores than every other person in the house and took really good care of her younger siblings.

All these attributes made you think she’s the definition of the dream child.

You thought she was mature and responsible for her age and would grow into a successful and bright adult.

However, she never had the opportunity to experience and fully enjoy her childhood because she took up a lot of responsibilities at such a young age.

She never had the chance to be a child because she was preoccupied with how to be low maintenance and how to meet up with the high expectations others had about her.


2. She lacks wholesome coping mechanisms

Why Is My Grown Daughter So Mean To Me?

Your grown daughter is likely to lash out at others and act meanly towards you and everyone around her if she lacks healthy coping mechanisms to deal with strong emotions.

In layman’s terms, she will successfully frustrate the life of other people around her whenever she’s going through a rough patch.

She’ll discover that the easiest place to vent is on a loved one, so she pours her anger, frustration, and misery on them.

She’ll lash out at you over even the tiniest things.

This attitude is her looking for someone else to blame for her woes besides herself.

Anger is an emotion that comes from sadness or hurt, with the purpose of protection.

Whenever she lashes out at you or anyone around her, she feels she’s defending and protecting herself in her most fragile state.


3. You let her live the way she deems fit

You’re not setting your children up to succeed if you always let them live their lives the way they want.

Perhaps you let her get away with too much when she was younger.

If you didn’t know how to say ‘no’ to her in her younger years, she’d grow up believing she’d get everything she wanted on a platter of gold.

And she’ll likely blame you when things don’t go her way.

The harsh reality of becoming an adult may hit her squarely in the face, and if you didn’t teach her important life skills earlier, she’d bear grudges against you for her lack of preparation.

It’s not easy to transition in life, and it’s obvious that she wasn’t prepared in any way for this one.


4. She’s declaring her identity

Why Is My Grown Daughter So Mean To Me?

She may feel you still see her as a little girl, not a grown woman.

If you demand respect while treating her like a child, examine yourself and know how you’ll react if the tables are turned.

If what you want to do is try to impose your idea of who she is based on your observations and your parent’s intuition, she’ll, in turn, be trying to prove to you who she is and who she wants to be.

She’s trying to show you that she’s frustrated by your biased view of her.

That she’s mean to you now doesn’t mean she’ll not be open to mending her relationship with you.

You mustn’t define her based on who she appeared to be when she was still growing up.

Allow her to define and discover herself.

Then, focus on showing her respect than demanding respect for yourself.


5. You were very strict with her

Why Is My Grown Daughter So Mean To Me?

It’s general knowledge that strict parents don’t raise well-behaved children.

You force her to be secretive when you set limits on what she can do.

It made her not trust you with anything, and so she kept her struggles from you for fear of getting you angry.

She begins to lie as a result of her fear for you.

While you think you knew her greatly, she hid much of her personality from you.

She created ways to get around your rules and made excuses to cover herself.

Because she has strict parents, she doesn’t trust adults to take care of situations without getting angry with her and dishing punishments without trying to understand her first.

Perhaps you didn’t tell her why she was prohibited from doing a particular thing, so she learned the consequences the hard way.


6. She needs healing

If she’s going through subdued trauma, it may be affecting her terribly.

It’ll interest you to know that all of the bad emotions from her past will not stay buried within her forever.

And whenever they come up, they’ll transform into resentment for you whether or not you did anything wrong.

Her parents are the easiest targets whenever she’s looking for who to blame for trauma from her past.

This is especially true if she feels you could have protected her if you had paid more attention to her.


Why Is My Grown Daughter So Mean To Me?: What To Do

1. Speak with her

Engage your grown daughter in a heart-to-heart discussion and try as much as possible to avoid being defensive.

Even if she attacks you during the conversation, do not respond to her.

Also, set boundaries when talking to help check the words that come from your mouth.


2. Listen attentively to what she has to say

Why Is My Grown Daughter So Mean To Me?

If she’s ready to talk and you’re willing to listen, then make sure that you pay close attention to whatever she has to say.

You should listen to understand her and not devise a defense for yourself.

Swallow your pride for that moment, and let the focus be on your daughter.


3. Re-evaluate your relationship

You have to be open to growth.

It’d be difficult for her to see you in another light if she grew up knowing you as a strict parent.

Accept that as you try to rebuild your relationship with your daughter, it’ll be difficult and different from what it used to be before.


4. Apologise to her

Why Is My Grown Daughter So Mean To Me?

The first step to mending your relationship with your daughter when you hurt her is to tender a sincere, heartfelt apology.

Acknowledge that you were wrong and admit to how it affected her.

When you apologize to her, give her space if she needs it.

However, don’t respond to her if she attacks you with her words.

She needs time to calm down if she’s angry.


Above all, pray for her and your relationship with her.

Parents’ prayers work wonders!

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