Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you feel like you’re more invested in a relationship than a guy?
Maybe you’ve been dating for a while, or you are still in the talking stage, but you just can’t shake the feeling that he’s not as into you as you are into him.
Traditionally, the man should be the chaser while you enjoy being pursued, but roles might be reversed if a guy is not that into you.
You may be the chaser while he becomes the pursued.
It’s a tough realization, but it’s necessary to recognize the signs he’s not that into you so you can make the best decision for yourself and your mental health.
8 Signs He’s Not That Into You
1. He frequently cancels plans or is consistently unavailable
When showing interest in a woman, being available for her is key.
You can tell how much a guy is interested in you by how much time he makes available to you.
Even if he’s busy, a guy who is into you will endeavor to be consistent in his availability to impress you and show how much he wants you in his life.
So if a guy always cancels plans last minute because of “work,” “a friend emergency,” or other “something came up” excuses, he might not be that into you.
I remember a roommate who was dating this guy, and the guy promised to come and visit her on a certain Sunday.
My roommate cooked and prepared for him excitedly.
I knew he wouldn’t show up, and I felt for my poor friend who was in love with him.
He didn’t show up, and my roommate was heartbroken.
I didn’t have the guts to tell her that the guy wasn’t that into her.
I didn’t want her to make me her enemy because that’s exactly what always happens whenever you try to tell a girl who is in love that her love interest is not for real.
2. Efforts are one-sided
Mutual effort is the foundation of any healthy relationship.
When efforts are one-sided, one person is putting in all the work to make the relationship work while the other is not reciprocating.
If you are the one always initiating plans, initiating conversations, and making an effort to see him while he seems indifferent and is not making any efforts to pursue a relationship with you, he’s not that into you.
Forget whatever he’s saying.
Look at his actions.
3. He gives mixed signals
Mixed signals are when someone’s behavior, words, or actions are contradictory and confusing.
If a guy gives you mixed signals about his feelings or intentions, he’s not that into you.
He tells you he cares about you and wants to be with you one day and then ignores you or avoids you the next.
He’s consistent in his communication with you one day and ghosts you for a few days.
You’re confused about what he wants and where you stand in his life.
4. He’s still checking out other women
Whenever you’re out on a date or together, he constantly looks around the room, scanning for other women or actively flirting with them.
It’s a major sign he’s not that into you, and you’re just one of his many options.
Checking out other women shows he’s not treating you with the respect and consideration you deserve.
A guy who is into you will be focused on you whenever you’re together.
I’m not saying he should become blind because he’s interested in you.
But you can always distinguish between a casual look and a flirty stare/wandering eyes.
5. He is not willing to compromise or make sacrifices for the relationship
Compromise is like a secret ingredient in a relationship—it’s essential.
Without it, things can get pretty bland and unappetizing.
You know why?
Because no two people are exactly the same, no matter how much you love each other.
So at different points, you’d need to compromise for the progress of your relationship, and it starts with little things.
For example, if you’re trying to decide on a movie, and he insists on watching the latest action movie, but you want to watch a romantic comedy.
Instead of compromising and finding a middle ground, he refuses to watch anything other than what he wants.
A man who is unwilling to compromise or make sacrifices for the relationship is a man who is totally into you.
A little caution here, though.
I don’t support compromising on things that are important to you, such as your values and your passion.
But in ways that are not serious, partners in a relationship should be willing to compromise.
A man who always wants his way and doesn’t care about your feelings is not into you.
6. You feel like he’s using you
If you feel like he’s only interested in you when he wants something, whether it’s a favor, a loan, sex, or a place to stay, and doesn’t show any real interest in you or the relationship otherwise, it’s a sign that he’s not fully invested in it.
He may be using you for his own benefit without concern for your feelings or well-being.
This is not the behavior of a guy who is into you.
I’m not saying you can’t or shouldn’t lend a helping hand to your man whenever necessary, but if it’s frequent, one-sided, and only nice to you only when he needs something, he’s a user!
7. He doesn’t want to meet with your family and friends
If you have been dating for a while and you expect your relationship to have progressed to meeting each other’s family and friends, but he keeps dragging his feet, he might not be into you as much as you’re into him.
Meeting friends and family is important to a relationship, showing you are proud and committed to it.
It also shows that you are comfortable with your partner and trust them.
So, if your guy doesn’t want to meet with your support system, he might not be that into you.
Another reason meeting with your loved ones is important is that your friends and family can see things you might not be able to.
They can pick up on things you might be blinded to because you’re so into him.
So if he’s not willing to meet them, he’s not willing to put himself in a position where he might be judged, or they might give you advice he doesn’t want you to hear.
If he has nothing to hide and his intentions are judged, why is he against meeting your people?
8. He dates other people
This is beyond flirting.
He’s dating other people for real, and it doesn’t seem like a problem to him that you know.
A guy who wants you will want to impress you; dating other people is not the way to achieve that.
If he’s dating other people and talking to you, he’s definitely not looking for anything serious.
He might even be a player.
I’m not saying that dating around is a bad thing.
Some people like to keep their options open, and that’s okay.
But if you’re looking for something more serious and he’s not, it’s better to look elsewhere for someone who is on the same page as you.